You Are My Salvation
by rolltheroulette
Summary: after the final battle, Hermione Granger went numb from the world. Who will save her from herself?
1. Chapter 1 Searching Purpose

hi guys! this is my first story. hope you like it.

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SLAM!

I quickly shut the door to the fourth floor lavatory. It's almost useless, as no other students wander up here, but I'm not taking any chances.

Hermione Jean Granger. 7th year Gryffindor. War Veteran. Recipient of an Order of Merlin, first class. Brains of the golden trio. The brightest witch of her age.

Never she thought that being manically depressed will join those titles. Those useless titles. She laughs humorlessly. People probably expected that she'll carry on just fine after everything that happened. Well, they thought wrong. She had never been the same, ever since the final battle.

You see, Ronald Weasley left her. after confessing their love, it slipped away through her fingers like water. She almost died that night when she saw Ron being hit with that ghastly green light that is avada kedavra. With a demented fervor, she quickly killed her opponent and rushed to where Ron has fallen.

She dropped to her knees and held Ron.

Ron. Ron. RON! Please don't leave me. You promised me, we still have our future ahead of us. Ron! Ron, you promised me we will buy a house. Ill be your bride. We'll have our own family. Please Ron. Please.

The skies seemed to agree with her grief and cracked loudly as the rain suddenly came pouring. The battle seems to fade away as she clutched Ron tightly to her. Crying sofly. Their happy memories flashing rapidly in her mind.

Distracted with her grief, she never saw the wayward stunner whirring towards her. The last thing she saw before the darkness swallowed her was Ron's blank face.

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please rate and review! your reviews would mean so much to me.


	2. Chapter 2 Numb and Broken

The term has started. I am glad to be returning to Hogwarts. It has been my home for the last 6 years. Where love, friendship and memories were made. Though the castle is still as magnificent as it was before, in my eyes, it seemed to have lost its charm and magic after the battle. Everywhere I gaze, memories would re surface. The whomping willow. The hallways. Our common room.

The atmosphere is almost as sickening as the memories.

Headmistress McGonagall was never the same after the battle. Though she's still uptight and strict as ever, her eyes lost the warmth it held before. Professor Flitwick is not as lively as before. And Professor Snape.

He was found still alive in the shierking shack when Harry remembered the memories. After the battle, he was proven to be innocent after his trials and was re instated to teach potions, because Prof. Slughorn decided he would return to his retirement and there are no potions master as good as him in Britain.

Potions were never my forte, until this school year started. The teachers seemed to be very keen on giving me special treatment and pitying glances. It is as if I will break if they were too harsh to me.

His class seemed to be the only normalcy left in my life. He's still as strict as ever. Dropping snide remarks here and there. As if we're still 1st years.

But there are times when being normal is out of my grasp and memories would come flooding to me. I was almost driven mad with the pain and regrets, until I found a way to vent it out and distract myself.

When I'm sure that the whole common room is already asleep, I would slip out of my bed and go to the bathrooms to cut. I would cut in my thighs, stomach, but the worst cuts are in my arms. The pain distracts me from the crippling emotional pain.

I was never caught before. I made sure to wear long sleeves at all times. I never rolled it up, even at potions. Even when it's blazing hot. Prof. Snape never objected. He knew about what happened to Malfoy manor when I was tortured my that evil bitch, Bellatrix LeStrange. The scar of the word "Mudblood" is a constant reminder of my weakness and inability to fight for myself, and I despised myself for it.

He never objected, because we both have the marks of our weakest points in our life, hidden in our sleeves.

I was almost caught when I my partner in transfiguration, Neville absent-mindedly pointed the transfigured dagger to me while talking to Seamus and ripped my sleeves. Thank god I'm fast enough to cast reparo before the scars were seen.

i sighed in relief as the thin sharp blade cut through my skin. i know this is wrong, but do i have a choise?

but it seemed that i had cut too deeply and struck a vein. where's my wand? i need to heal this before i lost too much blood. somebody might find me if im gone too long. they cant see me in this state.

i started to feel dizzy and light-headed. spots began dancing in my eyes. the room was spinning.

But tonight, my luck has seemed to have ran out as I heard footsteps coming inside the lavatory.


	3. Chapter 3 Sleeves and Weakness

The term has started. I am glad to be returning to Hogwarts. It has been my home for the last 6 years. Where love, friendship and memories were made. Though the castle is still as magnificent as it was before, in my eyes, it seemed to have lost its charm and magic after the battle. Everywhere I gaze, memories would re surface. The whomping willow. The hallways. Our common room.

The atmosphere is almost as sickening as the memories.

Headmistress McGonagall was never the same after the battle. Though she's still uptight and strict as ever, her eyes lost the warmth it held before. Professor Flitwick is not as lively as before. And Professor Snape.

He was found still alive in the shierking shack when Harry remembered the memories. After the battle, he was proven to be innocent after his trials and was re instated to teach potions, because Prof. Slughorn decided he would return to his retirement and there are no potions master as good as him in Britain.

Potions were never my forte, until this school year started. The teachers seemed to be very keen on giving me special treatment and pitying glances. It is as if I will break if they were too harsh to me.

His class seemed to be the only normalcy left in my life. He's still as strict as ever. Dropping snide remarks here and there. As if we're still 1st years.

But there are times when being normal is out of my grasp and memories would come flooding to me. I was almost driven mad with the pain and regrets, until I found a way to vent it out and distract myself.

When I'm sure that the whole common room is already asleep, I would slip out of my bed and go to the bathrooms to cut. I would cut in my thighs, stomach, but the worst cuts are in my arms. The pain distracts me from the crippling emotional pain.

I was never caught before. I made sure to wear long sleeves at all times. I never rolled it up, even at potions. Even when it's blazing hot. Prof. Snape never objected. He knew about what happened to Malfoy manor when I was tortured my that evil bitch, Bellatrix LeStrange. The scar of the word "Mudblood" is a constant reminder of my weakness and inability to fight for myself, and I despised myself for it.

He never objected, because we both have the marks of our weakest points in our life, hidden in our sleeves.

I was almost caught when I my partner in transfiguration, Neville absent-mindedly pointed the transfigured dagger to me while talking to Seamus and ripped my sleeves. Thank god I'm fast enough to cast reparo before the scars were seen.

But tonight, my luck has seemed to have ran out as I heard footsteps coming inside the lavatory.


	4. Chapter 4 Don't Slip Away

The halls seemed to be more haunting than ever. Cold is seeping to my bones. It's almost as cold as it was in the shierking shack when I almost…

Severus Snape fastened his face, annoyed with himself for letting himself drift to those traitorous thoughts. But he was more annoyed that there is barely any student wandering past the curfew, and that means no taking of points and detentions.

It seemed that the students are not so keen on going out of their common rooms after curfew as it's was before. The halls seemed to be haunting. The memories to painful to be recalled. Reminding them how life used to be without the terrorizing of Voldemort.

But his eyes seemed to gleam when he heard footstep down the corridor. He walked towards the sound and caught a glimpsed of someone slipping to the unused lavatory.

Ha! Student out of bed at this time. What can I hand out? Detentions? Removal of a few house points? This student better be a Gryffindor.

I walked briskly to the door and pushed it opened. The scene was not what I expected. The princess of Gryffindor is lying on the cold stone floor. Her wrist sliced open and blood running out of it at a very alarming speed. Her eyes were still fluttering faintly.

I ran to her and felt her pulse. It was already faint. She's losing her pallor, and I started panicking.

No, Ms. Granger, stay with me. Don't go to sleep. I tapped her cheeks to wake her. When I got no response, I lifted her to my arms and almost ran to the infirmary.

The hallways seemed to be longer. She's starting to feel cold, and I forced myself to walk faster. When I finally reached the infirmary, thankfully it was free of students. I laid her to a bed and called Madam Pomfrey.

Severus, what do you need at this ungodly time? Can't it wa- Oh my goodness! What happened Severus? What happened to Ms. Granger?

It seemed that the pressure and grief has been too much for her to bear and found a rather destructive way to vent it. I found her at the empty lavatory bleeding heavily.

She started casting diagnostic spells. Shaking her head. She hurriedly went to her shelves and got a vial of blood-replenishing potion and strengthening draught.

Ms. Granger has lost too much blood. She needs to be monitored until she becomes stable. The blood-replenishing needs to be administered every 2 hours.

I will be monitoring her tonight Madam Pomfrey, if you don't mind.

No, I'll just cast a spell to remind me every 2 hours. She murmured.

I must insist madam. You're too tired to do that. You haven't rested since monitoring Ms. Jonson's dragon pox. Madam Pomfrey's age seemed to be catching up on her. Her cheeks has started so sink. She has bags under heThe final battle obviously wore her out. The horrors seemed to be etched to her consciousness. the horrors of not being able to save her patie

But Severus-

Please, I need to do this. I can't let a student of mine slip again because I failed to protect them. I promised Albus that I'll look after them.

I felt a hand pats my cheek fondly.

Of course, you do. She smiled sadly. Call me when she wakes up. She collected the empty phials and placed them in her table.

Good night Severus.

Good night madam Pomfrey. I hear her office door opened and closed.

I transfigured a slightly cushioned chair and started my vigil.

I am not really fond of my students. But Ms. Granger and her batch is a huge exception. They fought the horrors of a war at such a young age. They deserved better that to experience its horrible echoes of the war. Nightmares. Flashbacks. They had lost so much. They were never given a choice.

Ms. Granger is still pale from the loss of blood, but her pulse is stronger, which I'm thankful for.

I accioed the daily prophet I was reading in my office and proceeded to read the article.

**The Boy Who Vanquished you-know-who is now officially an Auror!  
**_By Rita Skeeter_

**After the great battle of Hogwarts, Harry Potter, the savior of the wizarding world, has decided to continue ridding it of the scattered death eater who has escaped the final battle.**

**It seemed that Mr. Potter can't get enough of his popularity that he wants to continue catching bad guys! **

**To read the whole article, please flip to page 5.**

Rubbish! How cowardly is Skeeter. She can't even call Voldemort by his name.

Calling the dark lord his name came agonizingly hard for Severus. He has gotten used to calling him you-know-who or the dark lord. But at the given time, he finally managed to.

I flipped to the potions article, ignoring the useless story Skeeter made up. Stupid chit. Writing useless articles. Why does even the prophet hire that hag?

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please review! sorry if the grammar is not right. english is not my native language. :)


	5. Chapter 5 Love Lasts

I was walking alone in a vast field, wearing a white spring dress. Miles and miles of green grass is all in sight. The sun is not too hot. The breeze is so refreshing.

Then I felt someone behind me, and before I managed to turn around, this anonymous person tickled me any we fell to the grass laughing.

When I finally got the chance to look at my tickler, I was shocked to find a head-full of red hair.

Ron!

I hugged him like there was no tomorrow. Tears sprung to my eyes.

Hi 'Mione. I pulled away to look at his face. Trying to memorize every single line. His magnificent blue eyes sparkling with happiness.

Oh Ron, how I missed you. Where are we? Why are you here?

The happiness left his eyes, replace with disappointment.

Hermione, you have to stop this nonsense at once. Why are you not eating and sleeping right anymore? It's not good for you. And what are these scars?

I had to look away to escape the disappointment in his eyes.

Ron, I'm trying, really. It's not that easy you know. Coping after your best friend died. When Harry is still in denial. Hogwarts was never the same after the battle. We lost so many, Ron. Including you. I'll never be the same again.

'Mione, look at me.

My gaze returned to his face. Understanding was plastered to his face, I had the difficulty of keeping my emotions in check.

For weeks, I can accept that I'm already dead. It pained me greatly knowing how you and Harry are faring without me. But I'm already happy and contented here 'Mione. Please, don't waste your life pining after a dead man.

You can't just tell me to forget about you Ron! We've been friends together for years. And just after we realize our feelings together, we lost it. The tears I've been trying to keep had sprung forward and I can't seem to stem the flow of it.

I know 'Mione. I'm an ass to even ask something like this of you, but you must understand that your life doesn't go around me 'Mione. You have to move on. I'm sure you will meet someone you'll love more than me. I promise.

The landscape started to blur and Ron is starting to look transparent.

Ron! Please, don't leave yet! Need to speak to you. Please! Don't leave me.

Please be happy for me Hermione Granger. Live your life. And tell Harry that Sirius, Remus and his Mum and Dad send back their love. Remember me 'Mione. i love you so much. He smiled brightly.

And for the second time, I lost my consciousness gazing at Ron's face, though this time, he was smiling.

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please tell me what you think. thanks for stopping by!


	6. Chapter 6

_Ron! Please, don't leave yet! Need to speak to you. Please! Don't leave me._

_Please be happy for me Hermione Granger. Live your life. And tell Harry that Sirius, Remus and his Mum and Dad send back their love. Remember me 'Mione. I love you so much. He smiled brightly._

Hermione.

I heard someone call me, but seemed that the source of the voice is too far away. The only thing I want is to see and hear Ron. Ron, who slipped away just before we had a chance.

Hermione, wake up.

Wake up? Hmmm.

I slowly opened my eyes but was forced to close them again because of the blasted sun shining down my face from the window.

Where am I? I looked to my side to see Harry sitting in a chair, his red-rimmed eyes looking tired.

Harry? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in your auror training?

I barely finished speaking before I was enveloped into a tight hug.

Don't you dare do that again 'Mione! I don't know what I'll do with myself. Why did you do that? You're my only family left. His voice broke.

Do what? Then the memories hit me like a train. The lavatory. Too much blood. The footsteps.

Harry pulled away.

My god, I'm so sorry Harry. I wasn't thinking. I- who brought me here? The last thing I remembered was passing out on the lavatory floor.

Madam Pomfrey said Prof. Snape saw you in the lavatory and carried you here to the infirmary. She even said he watched over you when you were still unstable 2 days ago.

What! Two days? No no no, my essays!

'Mione, you almost died, and essays are the first thing that got into your mind? Did you even think how devastated I will be?! Or the Weasleys?! Or the school?! Harry is panting heavily. I never thought he will be this affected.

I'm sorry. Hermione, please promise me you'll never do that again. You're my only best friend left. I can't bear you after we lost Ron.

Ron.

Our conversation in my dream flashed in my head.

Harry, when I was unconscious, I spoke to Ron. I said quietly.

What did he say?

You believe that I spoke to him?

Why would I not? I spoke to Prof. Dumbledore when Voldemort killed me. Or tried to kill me…

Oh.

He said I should live my life to the fullest and he loves me.

Tears started dropping down my face and before I knew it, I was sobbing hard. Harry enveloped me into a hug. Hugs we used to do as a trio, but now Ron's not with us anymore, it make us more aware how we will never hug Ron like this anymore.

We pulled away and I smiled a watery smile.

"Ron also said that Sirius, Remus, and your mum and dad send back their love."

All of Harry's restraints finally broke. His façade slipped away.

And in that day, we finally grieved for our lost friend.

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um, what do you think guys? leave me a review!

again, sorry for the grammar. not a native speaker of english. :)


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